Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
