thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
