this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
