how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize