i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
