Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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