my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
