When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
