so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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