my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
