saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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