Soap is not a condiment
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
