nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
