You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
