This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
