I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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