She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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