matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
