I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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