Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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