I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
