Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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