so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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