I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
