You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
