Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
