On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
