I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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