Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's rum buckets o'clock
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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