I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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