I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize