Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
