My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We need a shit load of segways right now
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
