no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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