It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
