My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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