There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
