Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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