hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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