this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
