I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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