Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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