I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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