it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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