Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
