I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
