Heybabeimwearingurpanties
accomplished twins. life is a go
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
