dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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