The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
