It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize