We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im holly from the hills drunk
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
