the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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