so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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