Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
