george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize