Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
