this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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