I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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