Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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