I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
did i just pee glitter
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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