Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
