I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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