I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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