You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
