YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
