just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
