Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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