i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
