Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
