The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
