if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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