from now on my penis is your penis
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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