I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
