The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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