at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Found your dick twin last night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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