her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
